girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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