if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
