Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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