week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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