I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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