i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
