you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
