can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
