You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
