When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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