Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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