And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
