if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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