you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
