it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
