does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
