We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
