maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
