Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
