I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
