dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
