I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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