these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
