Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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