As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
