Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
