Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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