Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
