Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
