Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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