After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
