Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We are two peas in an std pod
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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