I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
