GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
