i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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