but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
