it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
