I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
