love makes seman taste better
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have feelings that need drinking.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
