i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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