You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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