Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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