its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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