his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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