Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
