nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
