I accidentally had phone sex last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
