im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
