Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
