I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
