we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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