mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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