You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
