Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
